CSI: Theilman, Minn.

The scrapblog editor, along with senior researcher Elmer W. "Joe" Sprick and adviser emeritus Anna Sprick Smith, set out this week on a tour of the area in and around Theilman, Minn., in Wabasha County, seeking family roots and cheap thrills. Elmer explained that tiny Theilman once had two churches and five bars. We had planned a stop at one of the latter, Eggenberger's Tavern, for historical reasons, but found it closed. Elmer peeked in the window, just to make sure the owners hadn't taken to hiding when they saw us coming.

Ghosts and history waft around the deserted and crumbling Theilman Opera House. After thoroughly discussing the slippery ethics and poor judgment of anyone who would trespass in such a place, Elmer and Pam found a cracked door and went right in. The old building's basement was piled high with extremely dusty wooden furniture and other odd items that it appeared no one had touched in half a century.

Those odd items included this melancholy stuffed bear's head, which perhaps was a clue in our next adventure ...

... which came when Elmer showed Pam and Anna the spot along the Zumbro River where Aunt Adelaide Sprick (later Detlefsen) and a canoeing companion came across the body of a man next to a floating log back in the 1930s. Newspaper gal Pam, intrigued by the situation and accustomed to quickly being told the ID, cause, manner, motive, suspect and disposition of homicides, interviewed E.W. for more info. It went something like this:

Pam: Victim ID?

E.W.: Well, it was a fella name of Heil.

Pam: Cause and manner of death??

E.W.: Well, someone did him in. A little hard to tell how, because he disappeared from his farm after going for a walk in the fall, and Adelaide ran into him in the spring, so things were pretty far along.

Pam: Motive???

E.W.: Well, reportedly he was a hard fella to get along with.

Pam: Suspect????

E.W.: Well, reports are it was someone from his family who was fed up with him.

Pam: Disposition?????

E.W.: Well, I guess it's what you would call a cold case.

Postscript: Later, Pam and E.W. did more research on Mr. Heil's untimely demise, locating his grave in Theilman (there's a photo of it on the Internet, for heaven's sake), chatting up some descendants of the parties involved and rooting around in an old book and the memories of certain elderly folks familiar with Theilman and its history. The upshot is, the unfortunate Mr. Heil may have been knocked off by his father-in-law. This sinister fellow was never charged, and so he's innocent in the eyes of the law, but we won't be having any picnics on his grave at midnight, we'll tell you that right now. We're sorry Aunt Adelaide had to be the one to stumble across his victim.