What to get your cousins for Christmas

On the day after Thanksgiving, we should be eating leftovers, taking walks and naps, watching football and reading good books. But instead, we are out shopping, wondering, what in the Sam-Broberg-Hill am I going to get the cousins for Christmas? Well, cousins, the answer, frankly, is NOTHING, because all of us have way too much stuff. Our houses are fuller than a Sprick stomach after second lunch at a Stump-in! But let's say you just can't resist -- you have to get Elmer, or Chris, or Leah, or Tuk, a little something. Never fear, because today we present the Official Scrapblog Cousins' Christmas Gift Guide! Did the aunts and uncles ever have trouble picking out Christmas gifts for each other? Heck, no! We've taken a cue from them to create our list. Here then, in ascending order, are the TOP 10 THINGS TO GET YOUR COUSINS FOR CHRISTMAS: No. 10: Yes, cousins, fruitcakes are versatile, durable and pretty. The only problem is, they tend to get dry. We suggest pouring a bottle of rum over yours before giving one to, say, cousin Dave. No. 9: Hard sausage or braunschweiger! Ed, Hart, Gus and Bill always looked so happy when they got theirs! Back then, they had to go down to Huettel's to get their festive meats. Now you can just go to the mall, to one of those little booths festooned with pretty boxes of sausage, cheese-food and jelly to get your gift for Tuk or Dan! No. 8: When presenting the ever-popular can of peanuts to cousin Sam or Sarah, be sure to say, "You are what you eat!" No. 7: Here's something for you cousins who have an artistic streak. There's nothing that says, "I appreciate you, cousin [Bridget, Chats, whoever]," better than a homemade gift, and what better homemade gift than this festive ... uh ... thing made out of old ice-cream buckets? We know you have 40-50 of those buckets in your basement. No. 6: Who cares if every Sprick already has about 100 decks of playing cards? Everyone, especially cribbage-playing cousins Zack and Chris, can always use a fresh, unmarked deck. No. 5: You can't ever have too many lawn chairs, cousins. The scrapblog editor has several that look just like this one, so she wasn't pleased to find when she went to Google a photo of one that the photos were attached to an URGENT RECALL of said lawn chairs. Apparently they can fold up and trap you! Anything that dangerous is bound to be marked down. Just the thing for cousin Pam, who likes nothing better than to sit around. No. 4: Chh-chh-Chia! You know you've always wanted a Chia Pet. They come in a number of creative varieties this year. We like this "Chia Al Gore." Just the thing for Aunt Anna or cousin Noah, who looks a little like a Chia cousin just now. No. 3: This is a little high-end for us, cousins, but isn't The Clapper cool? We can just see cousin Sandra using this smooth machine to turn the lights on and off at her Nacogdoches estate! No. 2: What Sprick cousin hasn't wanted a perfectly round hairdo, the hallmark of the aunts in the generation before us? And yet none of us has been able to achieve it. Now we can, with this lifelike wig of perfect spheredom! Just the thing for Chats, Jane, Sheila and Barb! And finally, the No. 1 gift for your cousin: Ah, naturally -- a priceless blue plate! However, don't spend your whole inheritance on one of these! Just check your basement -- there are probably some there. Dust off the box and give it to a cousin. If you're lucky, your cousin will give you one, too!